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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Restroom comedy has long been the reliable retreat for daily publications, and we are always mindful regarding memorable lavatory incidents and milestones, particularly within football. Readers were entertained to discover that a prominent writer Adrian Chiles has a West Brom-themed urinal within his residence. Spare a thought about the Tykes follower who took the rest room a little too literally, and needed rescuing from an empty Oakwell stadium after falling asleep on the loo midway through a 2015 losing match by Fleetwood. “He had no shoes on and misplaced his cellphone and his hat,” elaborated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And who can forget at the pinnacle of his career at Manchester City, Mario Balotelli popped into a local college for toilet purposes back in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, then came in and was asking where the toilets were, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a student told local Manchester media. “Later he simply strolled through the school as if he owned it.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday marks 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as the England coach after a brief chat within a restroom stall alongside FA executive David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback by Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the legendary venue. As Davies remembers in his diary, FA Confidential, he had entered the sodden troubled England locker room immediately after the match, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams “fired up”, both players begging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies located him seated – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, whispering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Collaring Keegan, Davies tried desperately to salvage the situation.

“Where on earth could we find for a private conversation?” recalled Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Only one option presented itself. The restroom stalls. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past took place in the vintage restrooms of a venue scheduled for destruction. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I secured the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I'm unable to energize the team. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

Consequently, Keegan quit, subsequently confessing he considered his stint as England manager “empty”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I struggled to occupy my time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It's a tremendously tough role.” Football in England has advanced considerably in the quarter of a century since. Regardless of improvement or decline, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are no longer present, while a German now sits in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Current Reports

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for Women's major tournament coverage concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Today's Statement

“There we stood in a long row, clad merely in our briefs. We were Europe’s best referees, elite athletes, role models, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with strong principles … however all remained silent. We scarcely made eye contact, our looks wavered slightly nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina inspected us completely with a chilly look. Mute and attentive” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures referees were previously subjected to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“How important is a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists named ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to oversee the primary team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and provided some branded items, I have decided to put finger to keypad and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the school playground with kids he expected would overpower him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|